Yes, I know I haven't put anything on here in a very long time. I've been processing lots of stuff that I didn't have time to process during the school year because I was so busy. It has taken me a while to come up with anything I'd be willing to share on the internet :)
When a marriage ends, it's like a glass shattering. As cliche as it may be, you're left to pick up the pieces of this relationship that is now laying in shards at your feet . First, you pick up the larger pieces. You pack up all his possessions: the books, the clothes, the beer mugs. You divide up the dvd collection. You take down the photos hanging on the walls of happier times. You wash the sheets so they don't smell like his cologne. You take off the wedding rings.
After you've picked up those large obvious pieces of glass, you sweep up the smaller pieces. You separate bank accounts. You call the cable company and try to explain without your voice cracking why you need the account switched to your name. You change his ringtone on your phone so a love song doesn't play every time he calls to talk about some piece of paper that needs to be signed.
Eventually, you meet other men. You go on other dates. You start to move on with your life. The pain starts to subside.You forget that there was once broken glass on that spot on the kitchen floor so you stop wearing shoes to protect yourself; you let your guard down. Then one day, it could be months and months later, your foot finds a tiny shard that's been left behind and there is pain again. It might be finding one of his t-shirts buried at the bottom of the hamper or getting a whiff of his cologne when a man walks by you in the mall or hearing the song you walked down the isle to at a friends wedding.
Finally, you're just left with the scars of the wounds the divorce left behind. The scars don't actively cause pain and eventually they start to fade, but every now and then something will inflame that scar. Something will cause you to remember the injury that caused the scar to begin with. It's frustrating. As much as you feel like you're healed, it's situations like this that remind you that someone else has permanetly left a negative mark on you that you are unlikely to ever completely forget.